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Everything included in today’s post are a few of my tred-and-true Amazon faves! These all make great gifts or stocking stuffers, or just a little purchase for yourself. These items are already great deals, but many of them are on an additional sale so be sure to snatch them up before it’s too late!
exercise bands // no show socks // gel lamp // leggings // workout tank // pore pusher // monogram necklace // sherpa sweater // ice + jade roller
One of my favorite trends for spring right now - graphic tees! You can find them anywhere you look, but quite often they’re anywhere from $50-$100 +! Today I rounded up some picks for under $30.
Not sure how to style your graphic tees? Here’s a couple of my favorite ways: For an oversized tee, I love these shorts for warmer days or these leggings on a cooler day! Layer under a jacket, like this one, this one or this one (all on sale!). Wanting to dress it up a bit? I’d layer on a little gold necklace like one here, here or here. If you’re rocking a fitted or cropped style, high waisted mom jeans are right on trend! Like this pair here or this pair.
I hope you enjoyed this post and thanks for stopping by!
xo, Brooklyn
I’ve had a couple of requests to do a blog post on my favorite baby must-haves, so here it is! Navigating through the baby-item world as a new mom is so overwhelming. There are hundreds of items you “need'“ and then hundreds, if not thousands of each one of those products. I went through my Amazon history as well as from a few other places and put together this post of tried-and-true items that we’ve gotten SO much use out of over the last year - some of which we are still using at 15 months.
Along with sharing these items, I also am sharing a brief reason on why I loved the item/how it was used. Again, there are things you never knew you needed until you have them! I hope this post is helpful to any new mamas or mamas who have another little on the way and forget about those new baby necessities!
Carseat: I did plenty of research on carseats, read many reviews and ratings and decided on this one!
Silicone bibs: These will be the only bibs you’ll need and if you have others, you’ll only reach for these EVERY time. Just rinse it out and it’s ready for the next meal.
Carseat caddy: We got a lot of use out of the caddy for any errands - it takes the place of lugging the bigger stroller around and is lightweight, easy to fold and the carseat can just click in. You’re able to leave babe in the carseat sleeping and just transfer them easily from the car to the caddy!
Temperature gauge rubber duck: Newborns skin is so sensitive, and it can be hard to gauge the temp of their baths (especially if you’re like me and prefer the water to be scalding hot). You just put the duck in the water and the gauge on bottom will tell you if the water is too hot or not.
Cupholder: Universal and fits any stroller. Definitely a necessity to hold your coffee while you’re out and about.
Silicone pacifier clips: If your LO likes a binky like mine, you will for sure want a couple of pacifier clips on hand. They keep the paci from falling on the ground, losing it and allows baby to find it and put it back in themselves when they get a little older. Grayson also liked to chew on these silicone ones when he began teething.
Stroller: This stroller came recommended to me, and I’ve been very happy with it! It wheels so easily I could push it with one hand and can potentially have up to 16 different configurations (as a double stroller).
Bathtub: We literally tried 3 different tubs when Grayson was a newborn before settling with this one! It’s hard to find a tub that keeps them from being submersed when their newborn without letting them get cold. This one grows with them and we’re still using it in our tub 15 months later!
Carseat cover: Probably my most loved baby item! Not only does it protect your new babe from strangers peeking their faces (and germs) into the carseat, but it keeps light out if their sleeping, protects them from the elements and doubles as a nursing cover! I had a preferred nursing cover, but there were a couple times I forgot it and this cover came to the rescue!
Utensils: These little forks and spoons are great once babe starts to attempt self feeding! It’s shape is easy for their little hands to hold and the shield keeps them from sticking it too far into their mouth.
Fresh food feeder This awesome little device was a gift from my MIL and was so nice when we starting introducing solids. I was terrified of choking, but he was ready to try more food, so this allows them to gnaw on a piece of fruit without any bigger chunks getting through.
Stroller accessory bag: This universal stroller bag slips right over the handles of your stroller and is perfect for keys, pacifiers, etc. It also contains two pocket cupholders!
Nursing cover: I would get asked often about my nursing cover. I highly recommend one like this one that has a wire in the top. It allows you to see your little one while nursing (if you’re new to nursing, trust me you’ll want to see what’s going on) keeps your babe from being suffocated or too hot and makes it a lot easier to adjust your top while staying covered.
Bumbo seat: The bumbo seat acted as a first highchair when Grayson was too small for the regular high chair and would take it whenever we traveled as his highchair. I’d also set him in it while I was cooking or baking because he’d love to watch everything going on.
Highchair: This highchair grows with baby in 3 different stages, each piece is dishwasher safe and I love that it’s on wheels so I can keep it in the corner while not in use and just pull it right up to the table for meals. Very happy with it!
Nursing cream: If you plan on nursing, you will definitely want a cream on hand. I chose this one - it’s organic and safe for baby.
Infant shampoo + lotion: We’ve always used these on Grayson. I liked that frankincense was an ingredient (it has so many benefits) and it smells like a dream.
Nursing pads: You will also need to have nursing pads on hand if you plan on breastfeeding! This set comes with day and night pads and are washable rather than disposable.
Infant carrier: I tried 4 different infant carriers and this one was my favorite and most used. The 360 feature is important so that you can wear baby facing you when they’re little, facing out once they start getting curious and on your back once they get a little bigger. I was able to wear Grayson for hours without getting sore. I also liked the Baby K’Tan carrier when wearing him for travel. It folds up in a tiny bag and can pull over their head if they’re sleeping. You can also wear baby mulitple ways.
Nose frida: This nifty device sucks snot - literally. It sounds disgusting but trust me, it’s great. It works much better than those bulbs when your LO is suffering from being stuffed up.
Changing pad cover: I was gifted this changing pad cover at one of my showers (obviously from a seasoned mama) and she was right - I never used any of my other changing pads after having this one. You will already be doing more laundry than you imagined, so having a changing pad that doesn’t need to be washed after every diaper is a game changer.
Pajamas: All of our favorite pajamas were ones like these. The zipper is inverted so you don’t have to completely undress babe for diaper changes!
How how HOW is my tiny baby already a year old?! It sounds so cliche that this year flew by, but it’s TRUE. This year has been, without a doubt, the best and hardest year of my life (oh look, another cliche! haha). Looking back on this last year, the word that comes to mind is proud. Proud of feeling like I truly enjoyed and embraced each stage for what it was, proud that my marriage feels stronger after our toughest year thus far, proud that we were able to breastfeed as long as we were (sidenote: did you know the amount of hours spent breastfeeding in a year equates to a full-time, 40hr/week job - MINUS 2 weeks paid vacation???) and proud of the sweet, happy baby I have is now turning into a sweet, happy little boy. The “Big One” birthday party seemed fitting - not just because of Grayson’s daddys love for fishing, but also because this last year really was a big one. This year will really be one we will remember, and although it might seem silly to throw a party for someone who won’t remember it, all those reasons and more seemed like a great reason to celebrate. Also, thanks to my friend Dani, he will have these photos forcing him to remember the day!
It seemed like Grayson totally knew it was his party! He blew a kiss to everyone as they came in the door, smiled for pics and was a little social butterfly all evening!
I don’t know if there’s anything better than seeing your little one be loved on - and Grayson is SO loved!
Birthday Crown // Birthday Hats // Banner // Balloon Arch // Cake Toppers // Dishware
This time of year can be overwhelming when it comes to thinking about all those you need to buy a gift for on top of doing it on a budget! I’ve put together a budget-friendly guide with something for anyone in your life.
Initial Necklace // 2. Marbled Bookends // 3. Sherpa Throw // 4. Yeti Mug // 5. Whiskey Ice Molds // 6. Hand Cream Library // 7. Portable Charger // 8. Slippers // 9. Makeup Brush Cleaner
There are hundreds, if not thousands of books out there about pregnancy, childbirth and babies. There are even apps now that walk through month-by-month with you on what to expect. Even so, anytime a friend of mine had a baby, I wanted them to spare no details - because there are things your friends will share with you that no text book or app will! I guess I figured this would somehow prepare me for when my time came. So today I wanted to share a few things with you guys that I learned through my pregnancy, birth and postpartum that i didn’t know. And probably the number one thing I learned through this journey is that everyone’s story is SO different, so my friends Santana and Kiana are also sharing a few things!
Pregnancy: If I’m being honest, my pregnancy was a breeze. I definitely felt things like some nausea, cravings and fatigue, but we all expect that going into pregnancy and for the most part, I enjoyed being pregnant! What I felt that no book could prepare me for was the mental tole pregnancy can take on you and your spouse. It seemed like every book out there was about YOU and what YOU should expect from YOUR body. But no book talks about how to cope with your spouse dealing with this big life change. This is a team thing, and your teammate is also trying to navigate the changes currently happening and what is about to come. We knew things would change between us having a baby, but we weren’t sure how exactly. And it seemed like so many people felt it was necessary to let us know that - which kind of felt like a looming doom. ( I’ll talk about how we felt our experience actually was in the postpartum section). Not only is he trying to navigate this new huge responsibility on his shoulders, but he’s trying to be sensitive to his extra-sensitive wife. One second you might feel like Wonder Women, taking life on while simultaneously growing a human inside your cute little bump, and the next moment you feel extremely fatigued, kind of gross from eating literally anything you want and like your body is not your own. It can be a mental battle.
Also, there are random, odd things that happen to your body during pregnancy. For example: your teeth can feel loose from a hormone that is released during pregnancy. Like, what?!
Birth: If you read my birth story, you already knew none of it was easy. Not that most women’s are, but to be honest I had it in the back of my mind that because I worked out throughout my entire pregnancy and was young and healthy, that my labor and delivery would follow suit. John and I said we’d have an open mind and no expectations about how it would go, but I honestly did have some expectations. If I were to give a friend any advice about labor and delivery: do NOT have expectations. I think even attempting to come up with a plan for some could lead to having unrealistic expectations, because in reality, you have no idea how it will go. Santana and I are the perfect example of that! I had a simple pregnancy with a not-so-simple delivery, and Santana had the opposite: a complicated pregnancy with a smooth delivery. One other thing I learned (unfortunately): how close your contractions are is NOT related to how close you are to delivering the baby. Labor is not like the movies. Go figure.
PostPartum: I feel like I could talk for hours about this subject, because I’m learning new things daily. What I’ll say is that some things are easier than I expected and some are harder. One thing I didn’t expect is the feeling of needing to “learn” this new person. Even though there is this innate attachment, this little person is their own being, with preferences and opinions and will let you know what those are haha. Personally, as I figured him out and he figured me out, I began to feel more attached. There are so many overwhelming emotions happening, and on top of that you are sleep deprived - I learned it’s OK to not always know how you feel. What I also learned is that the smallest accomplishments feel like huge achievements. Things that I once took for granted and seemed like such menial tasks, I now feel so proud if I can complete in a day while keeping a happy baby. I was lucky enough to have John home for a month when we got home from the hospital. I was a little nervous for him going back to work, because he literally did everything while I (what felt like was constantly) nursed the baby. His first day back at work I showered, put makeup on, made the bed and cleaned the house while keeping the baby content and felt like a total boss. Multitasking has taken on a whole new meaning, and I’ve never wished more often for 2 more arms haha.
Santana
Where do I even start? My little girl, Margo, is already two months old! And I am not sure if this is due to sleep (or lack of), but it feels like she has both been with us forever and still just got here. I guess it is fitting to start at the beginning, my pregnancy:
Things I "knew" about pregnancy when I first found out that I was: I might be tired, my hormones would be ever-changing, my belly would grow, my life wouldn't be the same, you know, a lot of what everyone tells you. I am also passionate about healthcare and the science behind things - this was both a good and bad thing - as I read at least four different books about every little thing that was happening as she developed. Things I didn't know: how many heat strokes I would have at random times throughout the day, how heavy I would breathe after getting into the car or walking a few steps, and how hard it would be if I didn't have a "textbook pregnancy."
At 16 weeks, we were diagnosed with Vasa Previa, Placenta Previa, and Velamentous Cord Insertion (VCI). Now don't worry if you read that and thought they sounded like Harry potter spells (I did too), but what those terms mean is basically my placenta and umbilical cord were both in a dangerous place. My placenta was blocking my cervix, and the cord wasn't encased in the protective jelly as it normally is leaving fragile blood vessels exposed to rupture. This left me at risk for second trimester miscarriage and birth complications. From that appointment on, we were viewed as high risk, and sent to see a specialist. I also was put on bed rest for a month until they could further determine the severity, which if you know me, that was another hurdle in itself. What I wish I had known before pregnancy, is how much this little girl would mean to me so soon. When we were first diagnosed the doctor told us "You need to make it to at least 24 weeks for your baby to have a chance" – that was the moment everything became real and the reality of her not being here with us was also a real possibility. The next 8 weeks seemed as though I was holding my breath the whole time. And each week that past, I would breathe a little easier. I learned very quickly that we all may have "plans" for our pregnancy, but from the moment of conception, our babies are teaching us to be malleable, to adapt to everchanging situations. Sometimes things go different than you had imagined, and that’s okay.
We continued to roll with the punches, driving south for our appointments, accepted that C-section was the only safe way to deliver, and that an extremely premature baby could be in the cards. The docs told us that we had a 25% chance that our diagnosis would resolve by the end of pregnancy, and my husband will tell you, that the odds rarely go in my favor. Well, fast forward to 30 weeks and another ultrasound, our tech starts acting funny but won’t say anything, she leaves for awhile, comes back, leaves again, and I am thinking the worst. The doctor finally comes back with her and all I remember is them saying it had resolved, we were clear, and we were no longer viewed as high risk. They were in disbelief and I was jubilant. For my entire pregnancy, I had been prepping for a lot of scary possibilities, but now I was "normal!" Natural birth was now on the table.
What do I wish I knew about labor? What a contraction felt like, so I knew what I was getting myself into. My water broke two weeks early and off to the hospital we went. My ideal birth was to have minimal interventions, but with all the scare, my big picture birth plan was to just get Margo here safe by whatever means necessary. My pregnancy journey had taught me that if things don't go as planned, life will go on, so I approached my labor with the same mind set. My water broke on a Wednesday night, but contractions didn't progress for about 12 hours. So if you're like me and are stuck in the hospital for a long period of time, here are a few tips that worked for me: 1) bring a speaker so you can listen to happy easy going music while you are hanging out for what feels like forever, 2) visitors are fun in spurts (bonus if they bring you icecream), 3) and talk to the nurses, they are there to talk you through this experience too. After about 12 hours I agreed to a pitocin drip. I think Margo just needed that little eviction notice, because three hours after that drip started she was here. Fast and furious my friends, that is how I explain my labor. I am happy to report she made it here safe, and was able to be put on my chest, healthy and normal sized. What I also didn't know: The crazy amount of joy you get from holding your baby in your arms after 9 months of wondering if you would.
Margo is now two months old. I could go down a list of things I didn't know about newborns and maybe tell you all I knew was that they are new. My biggest takeaway sofar is, it's okay to be new. It is okay to not know. Your baby is learning how to be a human and you are learning how to be a mom, those are pretty big tasks if you ask me. Breastfeeding is a journey, and those first few days, I questioned my ability to do it, but I am also learning she pushes me to be better and stronger than I thought I could be. I am also a lucky lady because through this roller coaster, my husband has been my number one teammate. And boy do I mean teammate, this pregnancy and baby thing is not to be taken lightly (I have so much respect for you single parents). Cliche as it sounds, time flies by, and I keep teaching myself to live in the moment and be aware of when I am fixated on future worries and bring myself back to the fact I have a beautiful little girl in front of me. It's funny the way life goes, I know God is extremely intentional in how it all pans out, and I can't wait to keep rolling with the punches. I heard motherhood might have a few of those ;)
Kiana
Hey there! I’m Kiana, mother to Theodore (2 years old) and Haddie (3 months
old). I had my son when I was 21 and my daughter when I was 22 - so
basically I’ve had very little sleep and no wine to compensate for it (I’m
joking about the wine, but not really.) Motherhood is definitely made up of
high highs and low lows, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world (or a full night’s sleep - and that says a lot). I may be on the younger side of
momming, but lemme tell you: I know things. Good things, bad things, weird
things. Things that people don’t tell you or warn you about. Things that I
wish I would have known when I was getting into this whole
taking-care-of-tiny-humans thing. So without further-a-do, here’s my list
of stuff I didn’t know but wish I had:
Delivery: the best-laid plans of having an epidural often go awry.
When people asked me what my biggest fear was for delivery it was me not
getting my epidural in time. I was dead set on having one with Haddie
because the one I had with Theodore made my labor and delivery a freaking
party. You heard me. A PAR-TAY. I took a nap while having my contractions
and delivered the next morning. Who wouldn’t want that again?! Buuuuut as
you can guess, Haddie was a different story.
I was admitted at 6cm, but I think I was more like 10cm because Haddie came
very quickly. We got checked in within 10 minutes. Once my water broke with
her in the triage room I asked if I could get an epidural. My husband said
the nurses gave each other a “she-wishes” look as they told me “we’ll see
hun, let’s get you to the delivery room.” Long story short, I ended up
delivering in the next 5 minutes (wasn’t expecting that lol). My first
delivery with Theo was 22 hours of labor and 45 minutes of pushing. My
second delivery with Haddie was 4 hours of labor and 3 pushes. My doctor
didn’t make it to Haddie’s birth, in fact, the on-call doctor barely made
it in time to catch her! Why do I compare the two? Because life is
(obviously) unpredictable. We can have a birth plan and ideas of how we
think our labor is going to go (like my plan to get my party epidural). But
that babe is going to come when they want and how they want. It’s
completely out of our hands!
The best thing I was told to do was to go with the flow and not have my
birth plan so strict that I wasn’t open to alternative options in case
things didn’t go as planned. Don’t get me wrong, you bet your bottom dollar
I had my “oh sh**” moment when I realized I wasn’t getting that epidural.
And my mind was definitely racing with thoughts about all of the pain I was
about to endure. The ring of fire, getting this watermelon sized human out
of my body, the next hour (maybe more) worth of pushing. But I think if I
had been more concerned about my birth plan going accordingly rather than
just having my baby, I would have freaked out waaaay more. I remember a
distinct moment when I got on the bed and thought to myself, “How am I
supposed to do this with no drugs??” But something in the back of my mind
told me I had no other options, I just had to get through it. So I bucked
up, pushed that baby out. And not but two minutes later she was in my arms
and I was eating that post-delivery turkey sandwich.
Postpartum: They will eat pizza one day.
When I pictured nursing my baby, I thought I’d just pop him on and go about
my business like I had seen so many other moms do. But it was nothing like
that in the beginning for me. It was sheer torture. Both of my kids gave me
grief with nursing, but Theodore was by far the worst. As if my sore
crotch, rock hard engorged boobs, and pant peeing (yep, right on on our porch) weren’t enough to deal with, my nipples were enduring trauma from a tiny piranha of a baby - eight times a day. (I still have part of my left one missing as proof of my love and endurance.) I would cry my eyes out every time I had to feed him. I’d cringe and scream with every suck, it made me resent my baby which made me feel even worse. But my mother-in-law gave me the best advice for suffering through all my pain and it was this: he will eat pizza one day.
One day. One day Theodore will be chewing on something other than my nipple. And that’s what I told myself for 8 straight weeks until that one glorious day when it finally stopped hurting. I swear I could hear singing from above. I kept thinking to myself that this isn’t how it’s supposed to be. This can’t possibly be what moms have to endure after pushing a baby out of their body.
Oh, but it is.
It’s just that no one ever talks about it! No one talks about the horrible pain or the blood blisters. No one tells you about the triple nipple cream until it’s too late (that stuff is amazing BTW).
Looking back, as much as I suffered, I’d do it again. Yes it took 8 weeks, 3 lactation consults, and 2 trips to the baby chiropractor to make progress but it.was.worth.it. (Yep, I said baby chiropractor. I thought I was crazy for taking my newborn to get a little baby massage but Theo latched SO much better after our first visit.) I loved nursing after we got it down. For me, it was the only time I was able to snuggle my baby boy because he was (and still is) so go go go. But as you’ve read - its hard work and it didn’t come easy. Nursing is a true labor of love, but I promise you that you’re not alone if you’re struggling!
I wanted to write out Grayson's birth story to have to look back on years from now as a way to remember our experience. On one hand, I don't know how i could ever forget this event, but on the flip side, even just one week postpartum, I feel so much differently about the experience looking back on it than I did going through it.
Just a bit of a warning, Grayson's birth story is a pretty long one, so I'd grab a glass of wine (I think I need one to write and relive this haha) or a cup of coffee and settle in! Labor began on Monday, January 7th. I spent the day shopping with my mom and aunt as a distraction and way to get out of the house, then took the dog for a long walk with my mom in the afternoon. I was 4 days overdue at this point, with plans to be induced on the 10th, so I was trying to walk and move as much as possible! There were no signs of labor, however my mom and I both felt like I was a little "off" that day.
Contractions began at 7:30 that evening, while John and I were mid-Friends-marathoning. He was about to take some melatonin and head to bed when I mentioned I had already had 2 contractions, so we continued the marathon for a bit. We timed the contractions at 10 minutes apart, and they very quickly progressed to 5 minutes apart in an hour. We finished packing up the bags, I took a shower and we called my Dr. around 10:30pm who told us to head to the hospital. By this time, contractions were 3-5 minutes apart and we said "wow this is going quick! I think we're going to have this baby tonight!" HA.
After being checked into triage, we come to find out I am only 1.5cm dilated. I was surprised - I was under the impression the closer together contractions were, the more dilated you are. So wrong. We wandered around outside in the freezing cold and in the lobby for 2 hours, contractions continuing every 3 minutes. We were brought back to triage to be checked again, and I had only made it to 2.5cm dilated. I was SO discouraged. We were ALREADY so tired and this felt like it was moving SO slowly. We made the call to just go home and labor rather than continue to pace around the hospital lobby. I figured we'd be more comfortable and at least John could attempt some sleep.
I decided to take a shower, wash and dry my hair as a distraction. The hot water felt wonderful and eased contractions a little. My mom came over around 4am, and I continued to labor until 6am. I so badly wanted to lay down, but I couldn't even sit because that made everything more intense. So all night, all I did was pace and rub my hips, stop and breathe through a contraction and repeat. I barely made any noises the entire time - it felt like it took too much energy and I was completely unable to speak during contractions. I had John call the Dr. at 6am because contractions intensified and were now every 2 minutes apart. Back to the hospital we went, and my Dr. said she'd meet us there shortly. We were checked into triage again, and told I was dilated to 3.5cm. I could hardly believe it. They mentioned sending us home AGAIN and I felt so defeated. There was no end in sight and we were already drained. So, we roamed the hallways for another hour at least. My Dr. arrived around 8:30 and checked me again. I was mentally preparing to be sent home, when she told me I was now at 5cm. I was so happy I could have cried. This meant we could be admitted to a room.
We were admitted around 9:30am, and I was hoping to get the epidural quickly. It was another several hours before that happened, because the anesthesiologist was in a c-section. At this point, John and I had figured out a bit of a routine to manage contractions. I was so tired but really couldn't lay down, so in between contractions (for a minute or two) I would sit on an exercise ball and bounce lightly side to side, with my torso laying on the edge of bed, face down on a pile of pillows and my Dr. would massage my low back. When I felt a contraction coming on I would stand up and John would come over to me and ask, "will you dance with me?" I gripped his arms and we'd sway from side to side while he reminded me to keep breathing. This routine kept me sane and is really what got me through the 13 hours of labor before I could get an epidural. My Dr. was so impressed she mentioned 3 times that he should consider a career as a doula haha.
The anesthesiologist finally arrived at 12:30 for the epidural. At this point I had 3 back-to-back contractions and was more than ready to get this done. The epidural was one of the hardest parts of labor - having to sit perfectly still through 3 contractions while he stuck a giant needle in my back was agonizing. I never made a peep during contractions, but during the epidural he hit a nerve in my spine a couple of times, which provoked a pathetic whimper out of me. I kept reminding myself this was the light at the end of the tunnel and that got me through it.
The epidural felt like such a gift and we were finally able to somewhat relax after that. I could still feel contractions, but they were no longer excruciating. We attempted sleep, but I think both of us only dozed. The way I was progressing my Dr. predicted we'd have the baby between 6:00 and 8:00 that night! It felt like it was going to be smooth sailing from there. At one point, we had both sets of parents and my little sister in the room - an unexpected little party! After a couple of hours, my nurse and Dr. encouraged everyone to get some dinner and let us sleep because we were getting ready to push and would need the energy. They weren't joking.
Just before beginning to push, they routinely did a cervical check and rolled me onto my left side. For some reason, the baby's heart did not respond to this well and his heart rate went completely out of whack. Four nurses rushed in, and worked very quickly but calmly to make things right. It was such a whirlwind, I'm not sure what they were even doing. They put me on oxygen and prepped an OR for a c-section. I had my eyes glued to the baby's heart rate on the monitor - instead of the normal, wave-like beats, the beats looked like disconnected, upside down "h"s. I didn't know what was happening, but I felt terrified. The nurses were amazing - you wouldn't even know anything was wrong by the way they interacted with us - and quickly got things under control. Baby was just fine and it was time to push!
Pushing felt totally doable after everything we had been through up until this point. We listened to Imagine Dragons, watched this YouTube video and had a few good laughs with my mom, Dr. and nurse. I was dilated to 9.5 and my Dr. said she could see hair(!) - I just had to get him past my pubic bone. Before I knew it, 3 hours had gone by and I could hardly believe it when my Dr. told me he still hadn't gotten past my bone. I was pushing so hard I was convinced my eyes would pop out of my head. Eventually another Dr. came in, because they thought baby had to be sunny-side-up. After doing an ultrasound, they realized he wasn't and it was just the shape of my bones that wasn't allowing him to move any more.
At this point, things were not progressing and weren't going to, so we were given a choice. The Drs. could try a vacuum, but baby boy was not in an ideal position for this and this could result in an emergency C-section. The alternative was to prep for a C-section. We decided we did not want an emergency C-section and would rather that the Drs. operated under ideal circumstances. I was completely devastated. It was a combination of extreme exhaustion after laboring for 32 hours and pushing for 3, and all of the emotional ups and downs up until this point - but that was where I finally broke. After everything we had been through, it felt unfair that this was now the result. It felt like throwing in the towel. Even after deciding to move forward with the C-section, I still pushed for another 15 minutes because I was SO determined to get this baby out on my own. Both of our moms intervened to talk me down and tell me to stop pushing - my job wasn't finished, it was just going a different direction. I hadn't failed, and I still had to birth my son, even if it wasn't how I thought. After most everyone was cleared out of the room, our Dr, surgeon and nurse asked if they could pray with us. They laid their hands on us and prayed for comfort and that their hands would be guided through this. A moment I'll cherish forever. Even though we were so distraught, we knew we were in the best hands and this was so comforting.
We prepped for the C-section and this was kind of a blur. I've never known what exhaustion truly felt like until this experience and now I feel like I can't ever use that word properly again. I remember having to sign a document for the surgery, and just to lift my hand to sign was one of the hardest things ever. We went through the protocols of surgery, risks, etc. and I don't even know if my eyes were open or not. My husband was amazing - even though it was the hardest couple days of his life, he never left my side and advocated for me every step of the way. We had to part ways while i was prepped and he got into his scrubs.
After I received the spinal tap and was ready, John could come join me. The entire staff in the OR was incredible. We were a wreck and they stayed calm and comforted us the whole way through. Through every step, the anesthesiologist let us know what was happening and that it was going well. It is actually a very quick surgery, and the most bizarre feeling ever. I thought you wouldn't feel a thing, but you actually feel everything without any pain. After a couple minutes, they wrenched the baby out. They said he was "shoved in there like a wine cork" because I pushed so hard. There was an overwhelming sense of relief hearing that first cry. Not just to us, but all of the staff in the room relaxed as well - it was finally over.
They wrapped Grayson up and laid him on my chest and we quietly cried together while I was stitched up. John had to help me hold him because I had the shakes so bad during the surgery. I always thought I would have this rush of adrenaline after meeting my baby for the first time, but for me, it was almost the opposite. It felt like we could finally relax.
The whole experience was the farthest thing from what I expected. I think it's pretty incredible what we're created to do and how we're created to forget. Even after living it and reliving it through writing it, even though it was traumatizing and horrible at times, it's beautiful and our unique story of how Grayson came into this world.
I can thank my husband for turning me into an Amazon junkie. I'm too frugal (ok, cheap but frugal sounds better) to pay for shipping, and too impatient to wait weeks for something to arrive! Sifting through the endless rabbit hole that is Amazon can be intimidating and time consuming. Today I'm sharing a few of my favorite Amazon purchases lately!
I LOVE this dress! Much better quality than expected and it comes fully lined. It also comes in a short-sleeved option and a bunch of different colors! Runs TTS
Such a cute, nursing-friendly summer dress. It comes in 7 colors, including a red or a blue that
would make an adorable 4th of July outfit! Runs TTS
This tank, also nursing-friendly, I ordered in white. Makes a great layering piece or it's cute on it's own! I'm considering ordering a couple more colors! Runs TTS, slightly oversized.
I love love love this necklace! I originally found this one, but wasn't sure how often I'd wear it, so I opted for this under $10 option. I figured if I wear it all the time I may splurge and get the more expensive one if this one tarnishes. So far, I'm impressed with the quality!
Ok, I figured this dress would for sure go back, but thought it was worth a try. WRONG. It's sooo cute and long enough! Quite often dresses are too short on me and I assumed this one would be, but it's not. It comes in 11 - yes 11 - colors and would be super cute into fall paired with boots! Again, I may need another color or two! Runs small.
Another one I figured would go back, but it's another keeper! I LOVE this boho, Free People-esque dress! It would be worn as a swimsuit cover or as a tunic with jeans. I ordered the blue, but I also love the red just as much!
A girl can never have too much leopard print, right?? I love this button down leopard dress. But if you're not a fan of leopard, no worries, it comes in 15 color options!
xo, Brooklyn